13 Things Only People in Long-Term Relationships Understand

Everywhere you go, people ask where your partner is

1. Their family feels a little too comfortable around you. You've heard every detail of every family fight because you're basically a part of the family and you're never quite sure if that's for the best or not. Actually, you're pretty sure it's not. Seriously, why are these people fighting so often? And about regular dinner plates versus guest china? Wait, wait, it's OK. Calm down. You're with the person you love. Everything is cool.
2. It's way too easy to just wear sweatpants constantly. With crumbs on them. And food stains. Because you both eat like monsters. Monsters who have nightly parties involving food and sweatpants.
3. Everywhere you go, people ask where your partner is. I don't know, OK? I don't keep track of them every second. JK, JK. They're at home watching Netflix. We just knew we couldn't both get out of going to this event and they went for me last time.

4. You never know if a party invitation includes your partner or not. And then you're usually wrong and everyone except you brought their partner and you didn't, or no one brought theirs and you did. You cannot win this one.
5. You speak your own language and no one else gets your inside jokes. You basically communicate in a series of references to all the things you've done and shared and seen over the course of your relationship. You know this makes you kind of weird to be around, but also this is basically the best feeling in the world and you know your friends have been there, or want to be there someday.
6. You adopt their weird habits without realizing it. Then you go home for the holidays and your mom's like, "Why do you cut onions like that now? Are those swimming goggles?" and it takes you a second to realize, "Ohhh. That's right. This was my partner's weirdo behavior and now it is our weirdo behavior."
7. You know you're never going to use those weird sex toys. You have a stash of futuristic sex toys that you purchased when you wanted to spice things up but then quickly realized you both hate them because they scare you.
8. You revert to your pre-relationship self when your partner's out of town. They leave for a few days and suddenly you're up until 3 a.m. eating chips out of a Frisbee like an animal. Oh well. You can return to being civilized once they get back, but until then...
9. You're basically a sex psychic. At this point, you can easily assess the mood and know if you need to go all-out in bed tonight or if this is more of a lazy-thrusting-while-spooning night. And honestly, you're cool with either one.
10. You're fighting tooth and nail to not become blasé about bodily functions. You try to pee with the door closed, you really do. But then one day they're taking a shower and you really have to pee and it all goes out the window because who cares.
11. You get unreasonably jazzed for date nights. Like so jazzed you plan a whole weekend around it. "No, I can't go see a movie with you at 12 p.m. because I have a date at 8 p.m., and I need to get ready because it's going to be so fun!"
12. You know everything about their friends and coworkers, so when you meet them for the first time you're like, "Hi. Nice to meet you. How's your mom who loves to bake tarts and whose name is Debbie?" and they get justifiably freaked.
13. When you try something new in bed and you both just end up in giggle town. Which leads to sweatpants, which leads to TV, and this is why being in a long-term relationship rules.