No Man's Fort

Of all the UK hotel openings this year, none perhaps is quite as unusual as No Man's Fort. Set in the midst of the Solent, marginally nearer the Isle of Wight than Portsmouth Harbour, this circular citadel is a twenty-first-century reinterpretation of a nineteenth-century military outpost, originally designed (along with two other similar structures) to protect the strategic naval base at Portsmouth from seaborne attack. The fact that the danger had passed by the time construction was complete (some 15 years after it was commissioned in 1865) is really neither here nor there; more important is the survival of this handsome bastion of English history after decades of near dereliction.

Cut to the present and the fort, in its new guise, is now a pleasure dome, predominantly created to be a hotel but also an exclusive-use venue for the lucky few - either corporate or private - who want to throw the party of all parties. Unlike nearby sister fort, Spitbank, which has a mere eight bedrooms, No Man's Fort has 22, including a Presidential Suite and one knock-out bedroom in the Lighthouse. Up top, there's a large deck area with two hot tubs (they could do with more of these), a fire pit, a barbecue area, a snug wooden hut for those all-too-familiar chilly English evenings and an Astroturf lawn with tables and deck chairs. The feeling is part cruise-ship, part castle, part playground, part island - a slightly surreal combination compounded by a steady stream of enormous cargo ships which chug past night and day. 

  For the most part, guests book in for one- or two-night stays, more often than not to celebrate something special - it's a fitting destination, which perfectly ticks the sense-of-occasion box - but it is possible, too, simply to book in for a meal (more formal meals take place in the Mess Room; lighter, more casual meals in the bistro-style Resistance, where tables tumble out onto a covered cobbled alley). Lunchtimes, at weekends in particular, are busy with day-trippers on special packages, which include boat transfers from Gunwharf Quays, a fort tour, drinks and lunch.
But the fort really comes into its own as a private venue, catering for up to 200 guests on an event-only basis or 46 if you choose to stay the night (the bedrooms, incidentally, are extremely comfortable and surprisingly light and large). The options for fun and games are manifold: therapists can be brought on board to man the spa and three treatment rooms, there's laser quest in the cellars, marshmallow toasting on the deck, pool and snooker galore, fishing, kite-flying, rib rides, wine tasting and dancing (in a dedicated cabaret room). It's a big space to fill, far bigger in fact than it looks from the sea, and private events can be tailored very specifically to individual requirements. With a captive crowd in an extraordinary venue and no means of escape you can bet your bottom dollar that revellers will throw caution to the wind. And wind there is aplenty.

Just one tiny word of warning: the boat journey to and from No Man's Fort and Spitbank inevitably rests in the lap of the weather gods. It is not unheard of for wind and waves to render access either impossible or a little dicey. Did I detect a hint of mild consternation as our boat listed precariously on a wave and a cry went up from the captain asking all the men to shift to the starboard side, or was it merely a frisson of excitement in anticipation of the party of a lifetime? 
Ways and meansFor reservations at either No Man's Fort or Spitbank, contact Solent Forts. The Sunday lunch package costs £99 per person; the Wednesday lunch package £60 per person. Prices for a one-night stay start at £400 and a two-night stay from £995, based on two sharing and including boat transfers, food, most drinks and a selection of activities. Prices for exclusive-use events are available on application.